There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
