We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
