you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
