my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
