I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
