i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i dont even know how to be here
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
