I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
