Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im holly from the hills drunk
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
