I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
