new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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