we made out on top of his cat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
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You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
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the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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