Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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