my mouth tastes like poor choices
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
