I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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