ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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