I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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