She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"