this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
