Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.