just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
birth control should be required to get into college
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
