Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
pray to the hookup gods
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
