Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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