Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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