Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
