I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize