The maid of honor just puked.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it glows. i had to have it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
