I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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