So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
