youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
