Im at strip club and am horny
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
