i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
