i think i have herpe
just one?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
