you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You made out with two different species that night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize