Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
