when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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