I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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