Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
