Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
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I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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