if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
