i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
