with your own penis?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
