my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
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