Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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