I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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