Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
