So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
