Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
