i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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