apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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