Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
