I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
