No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just found puke in my bra..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize