So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
