I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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