Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
