Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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