I CAN MOONWALK!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
