dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
