We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
