This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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