The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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