Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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