Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
