The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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