its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
