So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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