Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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