I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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