i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize